Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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