I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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