I hope mine doesn't look like that
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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