roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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