I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
He kissed a someone with a penis
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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