your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
