Just cropdusted the office
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
two words...techno handjob
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
