Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
