He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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