six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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