guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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