i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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