Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize