I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
