beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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