My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
