can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
