4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I need mimosas to revive my soul
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
