guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
