Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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