Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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