I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
