Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
