girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
