your room smells of hookers.
And success
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
