I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
