I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
