I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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