Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
