It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
