for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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