Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
