last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
