I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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