Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
