dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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