***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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