It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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