I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
it's great music for shaving your balls
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
