They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
