Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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