You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
