you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
