I think I died a long time ago.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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