Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize