I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
