dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
