i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
