She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
