dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
