You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
