Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize