I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
