So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
