sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
