fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
