On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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