I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
