Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize