Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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