Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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