Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
tell me about the eggs
Randomize