what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Your cock deserves a montage
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
