My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
