Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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