Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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