I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
