I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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