It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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