he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
