So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Is this like a preordered booty call?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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