you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
