hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
