Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
