Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
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