Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
