Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
