i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Houston, we have a squirter
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
pray to the hookup gods
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize