I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
