I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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