Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
