its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
