There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
