Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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