I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
