can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
